Southwest Tennessee Community College Composition Lessons & Resources John Friedlander
More Thoughts about Thesis Statements
While practicing the five-¶ theme, many students seem satisfied with a thesis statement that says, "Here is my topic, and here are my three main points." The thesis statements sound as if the writers are responding without much enthusiasm to an assignment they have no interest in. Now that may provide a completely accurate impression, but it doesn't attract or help the reader much.
[If you occasionally share that negative attitude about writing essays (and most of us do at least sometimes), try comparing the essay to a job interview. On an interview, you want to make a positive impression that will get you a job offer, even if you're feeling lousy and unenthusiastic—so you find a way to smile, to stay alert and responsive, to treat the interviewer as a person who matters. Often the effort to pretend enthusiasm actually creates enthusiasm, but even if it doesn't, we all need the skill to create a positive impression even when we don't really feel like it. On occasions when you don't care about your topic or don't want to write, make it seem as if you do.]
Thesis statements generate power from expression as well as from content. Strong thesis statements reveal more than topic, focus and direction—they also reveal attitude and personality, showing how the writer feels as well as what the essay is about.
Compare some examples.
There are three kinds of teachers.
This thesis statement reveals the topic of the essay (teachers) and the basic approach (classification), but no sense of the direction, structure, focus or emphasis of the essay, and no sense of the writer's attitude, mood or "voice." It is a thesis statement that can be developed, but it's mighty bland.
Three kinds of teachers are the friendly ones, the impersonal ones, and the mean ones.
This example adds much more information. In addition to topic and approach, we learn the focus of the classification (teacher personalities or behaviors, probably toward their students). We also learn the direction or structure of the essay (separate ¶s or sections on the friendly ones, the impersonal ones, and the mean ones, probably in that order). We get some hints about the writer's style ("friendly ones, impersonal ones, and mean ones" is fairly informal or conversational, perhaps a little childish). The writer's tone or attitude is not really clear, though. Does the writer really care about this? Is the writer hopeful? hostile? disappointed? curious? It's hard to tell.
A student's experience in a course depends a lot on whether the teacher is friendly, impersonal, or mean.
The focus is sharpened in this example, since student experience is directly mentioned. The style remains informal (signaled by "a lot"). A hint of attitude emerges, too—either sympathy for or identification with the student, and maybe a critical attitude toward the teachers (since they are assigned responsibility in this statement, and the terms "impersonal" and "mean" offer some sense of dislike or blame).
Teachers help or harm their students by being friendly, impersonal, or mean.
This sample seems more direct, assertive and confident than the one before. It still includes the angle of how students are affected, but it puts "teachers" in the more prominent position of first word and subject. "Help or harm" is more stylish and mature than "depends a lot." The tone seems judgmental, and "help or harm" is stronger than "depends a lot on." The critical attitude may be a little softer, though: "being friendly, impersonal, or mean" focuses more on how the teachers act, while "is friendly, impersonal, or mean" in the preceding version focuses on who they are. [An interesting change would be to replace being with acting.]
Looking back on those four samples, I find the first two weak. The second two seem to me about equal in informative value. The last one is probably better than the third (depending on audience and purpose)—it seems more mature and confident, it more firmly emphasizes the focus on the teachers, and its style better matches the expectations of college writers and an academic setting—but both versions give fairly equal levels of information to the reader.
Now look at some other samples, and notice what different qualities of style or attitude they may reveal. Please note that while the topic and main points remain fairly constant, the changes in expression yield some shifts in meaning.
Whether they recognize it or not, most teachers are either buddies or robots or ogres.
Our teachers are like any other groups of people: some befriend us, some ignore us, and some attack us.
Students decide early whether a teacher is a friend, a stranger, or an enemy.
Students quickly recognize in their teachers the pal, the bureaucrat, or the snake.
The teaching profession includes humans, inhumans, and subhumans.
The teaching profession herds its members into three different corrals, one for the sweet-tempered cow-ponies, one for the lazy strays, and one for the killer broncs.
Some teachers have become passive or indifferent, and an occasional few have become bitter or hostile, but most teachers are genuinely supportive and caring people.
Children recognize their teachers from bedtime stories: the fairy godmother, the ice princess, and the evil witch.
Do you find differing kinds of personality and attitude revealed in this last group of examples? Do some of those samples make you more interested in reading than the first four you looked at (or at least the first two)? Can you see how the expression of the thesis statement can affect a reader's expectations and early attitude?
A well-expressed thesis statement helps the writer as well as the reader. If you can bring some life, style, and attitude to your thesis statement, you can often continue those qualities into the body of the essay. As you continue to practice the writing of thesis statements, keep moving toward more informative expression.
A reminder: The thesis statement often evolves with the essay, finding its final form only after the body is completed. In that respect, writing a strong thesis statement may be part of revising or editing. But writing a series of possible thesis statements like the set above can stimulate your thinking as a technique in prewriting. Such statements can help shape your thinking, and help you choose the sort of information you want to develop.
12/18/03